I have a new Friday tradition. Every week, at lunchtime I buy a Doctor Who toy (or action figure as some people call them).

This tradition is three weeks old; last week I bought the 5th Doctor - without a decorative vegetable - but this week I’ve bought a Sea Devil (pictured far right). It’s one of the most iconic Doctor Who monsters and yet comes from one of the worst, most dull stories of the era.

But I’m not too fussed. The main appeal for me is the fact these toys are of mosters and character from my own childhood. I’d have loved these toys as a kid - so I suppose that’s why I get to love them now as a grown up. They don’t get played with like toys should; they go on a shelf - likewise I throw away the packaging.

The point is if you collect all eight figures you get parts to assemble a further character - this trick alone has meant I’ve just bought a toy I don’t really care about!

But nevermind. The fact there is a now a Sixth Doctor toy makes it all ok.

all I need now is a three inch penguin….

But I’ve not made anything for while so I’ve been searching round for a bit of inspiration and then I found this:

It’s an original online comic by a guy who goes by the name Mechmaster. A fellow poster in the Project Dalek forum and, like me, someone interested in the evolution of Dalek design; and the creative possibilities that they offer. Mechmaster’s Daleks are very much his own and yet he convincingly creates a believable universe for his Daleks - with some really wonderful geek friendly ideas too.

Some of his design choices are of course controversial; his designs are very curved - yet beautifully detailed, and the dialogue and lighting is reminiscent of Star Trek: The Next Generation but this comic is one of a kind and the amount of respect and admiration for it’s creator is enormous. If anything, any complaints I would have would only inspire me to make a Dalek comic of my own. However I still long way to go before I could much his skill level.

But anyway - GO READ HIS COMIC NOW - and behold the splendour!

Here’s a rather entertaining little 10 minute film from the guy that made Spotters, a couple of month back.

Reminiscent of Cable Guy and/or other Jim Carrey style comedies Love Genie is a performance based comedy and is quite bold with it’s use of music and non sequiturs. There are some very good jokes in there and plenty of visual interest and just enough punch to sustain itself for ten minutes (which is a very tricky duration to work with).

I have a lot of respect the film’s writer/director Matt Waite because, like me he was one of the few at college to take comedy seriously. It’s a very tough genre to work in not only because it need to be funny but also because many crews I’ve worked with think it’s an excuse to ‘have a laugh’ at the expense of the production. I’ve no idea about the behind-the-scenes of this production but I can say that it realises a lot of the potential that Matt has been working towards and indicates that should he pursue a production career route that he’ll fine!

happy graduation Matt

So therefore, equipped with that sense of invalidation, of failure and uselessness of course I’m going to be looking around not only for support but also for a few straight answers. It’s the pragmatism kicking in.

“OK! I’ll admit I’m shit on the condition that you answer my questions. This way, next time we speak I will not be quite as shit… I’ll just be a bit rubbish.”

And it is that ethos that I believe runs very deep inside me. That sense of inadequacy that has driven me over the last ten years to achieve as much as I can in all kinds of fields and yet has left me feeling pretty empty and worthless as if having built on sand.

For the sacrifices I’ve made have meant that I’ve never had real sense of perspective. The hedonism of immediate gratification has left me wanting more long term goals whilst the few of these I’ve had always come to fruition very quickly. And then when I feel my work is done, like shooting my load after a long wank I don’t even want think that way again until I’ve rested.

But returning to my original purpose of writing. Whatever a person’s goal or agenda if they are clearly motivated by short term self gratification then I most probably will be disgusted by them and their petty little concerns and grievances. If however I’m presented with someone who is building something then I initially feel compelled to help them but then I start to wish they’d do the thing my way - forcing myself down that very same path of blame and petty grievance.

If I could work out what it is that motivates some people, if I could then help them get what it is then I’d probably feel a little more settled. I don’t want to reminded how shit I am; and that means I don’t want to meet or talk to other shit people and bond based on such awful common grand.

For let’s not kid each other here. Some people are just rubbish, and anyone trying to avoid that fact are kidding themselves and if you try to argue that point with me I’ll probably laugh in your face, or perhaps just tell you to fuck off, or even (as I’ve been doing more lately) just walk away from the situation entirely.

I’ve added a link to my friends list (right column) for a really wonderful site I’ve found called Music From Outer Space. This site offers kits, circuit diagrams and tons of photos of home made synthesisers. One of which (the Weird Sound Generator) I intend to build myself.

I’ve some of the parts already but I’ll being stocking up from Maplin for the rest of them. At the moment RS in Jersey currently doesn’t stock electrical components which is a shame, especially given that many companies seem unhappy to send good to Jersey now that they have to calculate and charge GST (3% goods and services tax).

So take a look at the site. Regardless of it’s actual content it’s a really fun little site with tons of cheerful images and plenty to see and hear. I’ll let you know how I get on with my synth building too.

Here’s a small recording I made of me trying on some hats.

high - five !Spotters

I feel compelled to explain; not that you are sat there saying to yourself

“Just what the HELL is going on here”

but because my last hair related post was so brief it implied some rather sinister under current.

The simple fact is I’m never happy when a woman cuts my hair. It just never seems right, really I can’t explain but when so old guy whose been cutting hair for fifty years cuts my hair I always feel satisfied. Before you call me some kind of chauvinist I’ll just thrown down that I have no such reservations about female doctors, or taxi drivers, surgeons, pilots, police or other official or skilled profession.

Let’s not forget here that I spend three years working as a sewing hand - I was the only guy there and none of those women expressed any disdain towards my attitudes of gender - although I probably didn’t mention the hair thing…So yes - LAST TIME - I just couldn’t find a male barber. I looked all over town but ended up in some cheap backstreet barber shop. And I ended up with a girl whose mind was clearly on other things and who thought that if I really wanted a good hair cut I should be spending the £50 that hair stylists charge rather that the £8 that meant she could just TAKE THE PISS!

So I told her to just trim it a bit; so it would be ok for work.  And even that ended up a mess. This time I went to a proper barber. I miserable old gitt who hardly said a word and didn’t smile. I was a pretty horrible experience and I felt ugly and insecure. But after I paid my £9 (plus £1 tip) and I looked in the reflective surface of a shop window I felt great because I looked better than I did before the cut.But really -

Why the hell is there two-tier system for hair!

This time he’s writing his memoirs online - so you can ask him about his incredible life as he goes along. The idea being of course that the whole thing will form the basis of a book; the writing of which I’ve been intending to do for years but keep putting it off.

Unlike the Simon Test book I’m avoiding the path of making thousands of notes before writing and instead I’m getting right in and getting my hands dirty straight away. Let’s not forget that this is not a new character or even new stories that I’ll be dealing with but instead I’ll be padding out stuff that we know already. 

Of course I have to mention to that I don’t own the sole intellectual rights to the detective. Back in 2003 I had the idea of an old man shamelessly abusing his retarded step-son and as we tried on a number hats and glasses Fashion just arrived - fully formed but with a live of his own! DK Cavey had accidentally discovered a window to his own subconscious and both he and I have been looting from it else since. 

It look us a while to know exactly what Fashion would or wouldn’t say but over the years we have learnt know Fashion so well that he is a real friend to us both and whilst DK has the honour of  lending Fashion his body from time to time I get the honour of journaling his life and thoughts. 

The outcome of which I hope you will enjoy over at DetectiveFashion.com 

I should explain. I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a book again. This time it’s Detective Fashion’s autobiography (you may recall I toyed with the idea of writing Simon Test’s scientifc memoirs too last year). There is no reason to write such a book but if my first book is to be written off as experience then I might as well right something that I want to write rather than something that people want to read!

Also in fashion in my literary life at the moment is William Burroughs. I discovered some lecture recordings on archive.org and am now listening to the author’s reading of Naked Lunch. I remember enjoying the movie version with (Robocop) Peter Weller but this audio book is something else entirely. Burroughs voice has a sing-song quality but it rasps like a throat cancer ridden drunkard - worth hearing though! 

I recently listened to the entire series of Harry Potter audiobooks and it reminded me of the detail I’ve spent plotting and planning the maybe details of the Spainful world. Not only in the wiki but also notes for the twice aborted season 3. That’s two possible futures plus an even more comprehensive past. All hidden awy on a shelf somewhere. Of course it doesn’t matter that the only two people who give a shit are me and Dave - what matters is that it’s written down somewhere, in the same way as all those ideas are written down somewhere now. The more I write the less I feel ashamed.

After all the fuss of making a chain poop - in which 51 people remixed the previous round I thought a nice simple case of just make a good video was easy enough to organise but naturally I’ve had just as many “what about if…?” questions as I have entries. Everyone always has these elaborate ideas about 7 player poop tennis matches so to get people to just make a video as best they can is really quite interesting.

For those of the hard of thinking I’ve made a nice clear cut job of giving a prize to the highest amount of views by April 1st (the Official Youtube Poop) birthday but to those who are savy about the inter workings and the mentality of Youtube Poop such matters of viewership are really quite laughable - in fact it’s as laughable as calling something perfect!

There’s been a wave elitism in the community of late. There always have been a sense of them and us from those that use the forum and those that don’t but more recently the gab between beginners and regulars seems to be getting worse - literally the idea rich are getting rich and the idea poor are getting poorer. Quite often now new people will join the forum only to be publicly crucified for making such seemingly empty videos.

It’s all rather odd, especially given that when I started no one could tell the difference between a good poop and a bad one - in fact no one could put into words what a poop even is! So part of entering the contest is to exactly define Youtube Poop. This has worked out as being something of an intellectual census and hopefully should help identify the seeds of rather factions. If nothing else it might result in some good copy for the website!

Anyway - here’s my entry for you to look at.

And if you’ve never made a poop before then now is the time to start as we need as many entries as possible to bolster the numbers. I’m even encouraging people to create false identities so that that they enter more than once!

This guy here - with his million views - to offence to my calling his “comedy” mask naff. So I posted this response without a mask on:

If you’d rather just watch a poop instead then here is one for you now.

Matt and Ian

The year started with the news that Top of the Pile had been axed, the silly little student TV show which had offered me an escape from the horror of my film degree into the alt dimension of television studies. Of course TV students hate TV as much as film students hate films so it meant a fresh perspective on things as I slowly started to comprehend the nature of media rather than just cinema - a important thing because TV at that level, or rather the people making it are almost completely artless and just work in a way that seems to them like common sense.Anyway - that was all over now (although I would return to that studio later in the year to present a number of things including a Who Wants to be a Millionaire style quiz, a cooking show, a short film about a chat show host and some kind of interview) and it meant the friends I had made on the quiz drifted away - apart from Matt and Ian. It had taken a while to tune into their wavelength but I realised that their friendship had the same social dynamic as that of mine with Dave - who I was missing more than ever by this point (the podcast had grind to a halt in the summer).
I’ll try not to bang on about Matt and Ian too much but I will fast forward to April and the National Student Television Association conference. It was here that I would really bond with those guys and for the first time in months felt like belonged to a little gang of friends. I was happy, although I’ll admit I hadn’t noticed that I wasn’t happy before hand (more about that in a minute). And it was there, Coventry (wonderful little city BTW - big roman road) that I really started to notice that alcohol was getting almost impossible to drink without some incident or tantrum. In this case - and the reason for my visit - I’d been nominated for some award - and when it came to reading out my name…well they read out my name - I’d been un-nominated. And being as I was drunk in order to boost my confidence the blow to my ego - that I didn’t get my name called out, was all a bit much.Anyway, let’s move on - that tale has a happy ending.

Eric Strauss

Not just for me but for a lot of people, podcasting drew to a close. The idea that a gang of people online should create their own citizen brew media was initially very compelling but thanks to the BBC, marketing people, businesses, trendy media types and the wave of web 2.0 meant that making a show was just silly. And stand alone bits of media dotted here and there seemed far more relevant to an internet user base that uses google search. I wrote a series of articles about it here; but it’s enough to say three things -

I officially axed the Spainful Podcast (really tough); I said goodbye to Podshow (quite tough but they deserved it for their appalling management); I began writing blog posts just for the fun of writing - generating media as Mr. Strauss would say.

Oh yes, Mr Strauss. He of Vox Monitor - the podcast review podcast. As I switched off the idea of podcasting and started to tune more into the idea of bits of media here and there, discovered at random or out of sequence I started to really love Vox Monitor more than ever. It’s the oddest thing - like buying news paper for a few years and then realising you hate the writing style, the political stance, even the font - but you like the feel of the paper and the smell of it, so you keep buying it for that reason alone.

And then two great things happened almost at once. Eric Strauss published a book - which I bought for no reason other than the fact it I would be another unit on his sales statistics; I was really into his music by this point so I just thought buying something, anything that he made would be good karma for him - a way of saying thanks for the music alone. And the book was brilliant. But - out the blue - and as if for me, the Strauss website (which had been locked off for months) was open - so in what can be only described as an orgy of media. And none of was in any order whatsoever….

Andy Bowles

In my final year of collage, whilst I was enjoying all this disparate online media I should mention I was living alone. This meant that I would ahve to leave the house if I wanted to speak to anyone…human. Thankfully, across the road from me was a student house share which included my friend Andy (he’d appeared in my podcast as Mr. Miller).

It not a big thing but it’s an important thing. In a few months time someone would ask me to define exactly what I thout friendship was, what it meant and I described my friendship with Andy. “Just to be able to go round to his place, sit down on the sofa, maybe not even say much, but to just sit there and relax and maybe laugh about some of the stuff that’s going on in each others lives - and to be able to ask or say pretty much anything with fear of what the other may say. I would miss a simple thing like that pretty soon.

Meanwhile my adventuring was going into overdrive. Have travel card - Will travel.. I’d got into the habit of jumping on the train and just going to whichever stop took my fancy but by the spring I was doing this almost daily. Sometimes writing, other times making recordings, some times reading or just thinking - I explored Dorset thoroughly and would often pop into see Andy on my way home to report my findings.

Alice

It was whilst going on one of these adventures that I would have perhaps the worst panic attack I have ever had. Over Easter I had given up smoking, it had done weird shit to my brain without doubt and I also think that it had triggered what would later be diagnosed as agitated depression. I wrote about it in my apologetic explanation of why I was stopping the Spainful podcast.

April 14th: Something inside my head breaks - or rather explodes. Unlike my usual depression in which I just don’t want to get out of bed, I find that my body seems to want to get me up and about. I find myself waking early, going for walks and eating healthier (out of nowhere I suddenley stopped smoking). But I also find it increasingly difficult to talk, I start stuttering for the first time in my life and have to stop to take deep breathes mid sentence. And when I go to bed I don’t just cry I fucking weep.

So I knew that survival was the name of the game this year. As long as I just got through with my graduation I could then go home - climb into bed and die in peace. I hated myslef and I suppose that’s why I was travelling so much, I was looking for some kind of escape route!

But one day, having already spotted her at collage I saw the girl whom after three years I had failed to even speak to properly. By this point I dreamt about her regularly, just nice dreams. She was just there with me - handing my hand and talking to me as my intimate friend. But here she was now at the train station. So of course, in the state I was in I was terrified of what could happen. Perhaps she see me - perhaps she’d call over that policeman telling him that I was following her or something - or perhaps she just talk to me; probably the worst case scenario.

Thankfully none of that happened. I collapsed behind some bins - I managed get me breathing and heart back to a sensible speed and I wondered why all this weird mental stuff was happening to me - panic attacks….me?

(and I think that was the last time I ever saw here)

Professor J. Rufus Fears

When I wasn’t thinking about real life I was thinking about history. I’d discovered so recordings, audio lectures you could say - and given that I was now very used to consume audio media, thanks to my interest in podcasting these lectures were a perfect way to learn all the things that I’d wondered about. From Ancient Greece and Alexander the Great to the second world war, the Renaissance, Machiavelli, and all these books (literature) which I’d tried reading but couldn’t make any sense of.

All these things were explained to me and with the bitter irony that I was learning at college degree level whilst at my own collage I was learning nothing. Professor Fears lectures in particular resonated with me as he has the uncanny knack of making almost every point he makes seem relevant to me personally. Really wonderful stuff - and perfect for listening to whilst do all that exploring.

But before I knew it I’d someone managed to finish the degree. It was over and I was in a state of near bliss for about a month. Blissful but utterly emotionally exhausted. As I promised myself, I came home to Jersey and I rested. I joked that I had come home to die but it was completely true, I totally had enough of life and just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up again. The only thing that kept me going was series’ - remember how I said a moment ago that I was only interested in stand alone media? Well it was the serialised stuff that gave me a reason to live. I watched Rome, and could die until I’d seen the last one - and those lecture of course, they were a series, but there was always another series to get through and then there was also this new website I’d built….

Youtube Poop

(not a person but a whole bunch of people - and a culture movement of equality)

Every day, since May, I sit down to my computer and sort through a bunch of videos that have been made in the last 24 hours. Then I check my email, I get about 10 per day now, before doing a bit of moderating in the forum I set up. There are a few hundred people and enough messages to keep me busy every day for about an hour while I look for people calling each faggot or nigger, while I answer questions innocently posed by 10 year olds and while I look at comments about how evil/ignorant/funny/british/nazi/stupid I am for whatever reason some one see fit. Sometimes it’s fun sometimes it hurts and other times it’s boring as - hell be it keeps me busy, and I know from the podcast that if I keep myslef busy I can keep away the depression. Or so I thought.

Youtube Poop is like a video collage community, with a touch or bloody mindedness, a touch of nihilism, a lot of creative risk and a safety net of indifference. The fact that to intuitive choices or a 12 year old can completely shit all over the skill and experience of a trained media proffessional makes it a great leveller. Although I never felt much of a blow to the ego - I was happy to learn and get my closure - after all, you know you’ve gone down a bit of a dead end when you get bored of your own stuff, and Spainful to me by now was painfully slow and dull.

And whilst doing all this I leart a thing or two about branding. Whilst Spainful Films had it’s own logo and a whole bunch of idents I hadn’t given brand that much thought until I started curating youtube poop. It was here that I noticed kids who were uploading old tv idents as if they were historical artefacts. And it was here that I realised the amount of power a logo or a name could really have. It was not only a sign of acceptance but also a thing of creative safety. As more member joined the site they would use idents in their video to make their media seem more official looking - and each of these of course included a the address of the website so in effect they were all advertising my site. I always count myself lucky that I was the first to spot the potential of poop as an online community and despite trying out new stuff, taking risks and being silly now and then I find my paternal instincts engaged much more than my business instinct.

Doctor Macey

And so I was very busy working, often with great discipline and professional ambition. And I found that if it wasn’t for the fact I had no money whatsoever I had no reason to go out - a job would mean less time to work on the site! I wasn’t allowed to drink now, having lost control of myself at my parents ruby wedding anniversary I had gone to promise my mum that I wouldn’t drink alcohol again (in much the same way I had promised her I wouldn’t kill myself) so there was no reason to go out at night. Add this to fact all my old friends had left Jersey by now I just didn’t want to leave the house. And this, before I knew it mutated into fear.

I mentioned that panic attack I had in the summer - well by September they were coming along twice or three times a week. If I stayed in front of the computer, at home then I was fine. I was sane, level headed, calm, clever even. But as soon as I would have to get on a bus, and see the eyes all looking and sound of teenagers shouting and pushing and people taking risks on the road, the rain, the dark as the evenings drew in - Jesus Christ it was a fucking nightmare out there.

But this was the annoying thing. I was perfectly ok in doors, in my comfort zone I suppose. Although once, I did burn dinner and I found myself on the floor so upset that I couldn’t even lift myself up to get to a chair to cry with a little comfort. In the end I just had to go to the doctor although I still had no idea what was wrong with me.

And it turned out to be depression. Depression!? But I didn’t feel depressed. Doesn’t depression just mean unhappy. Apparently not. I say apparently because I still don’t really understand what it’s all about. Something to with a brain chemical being missing from my brain - this I can understand fine; but there is a on of lifestyle stuff that goes with it. My lifestyle meant a gland couldn’t do what it was meant to do - and strangley enough one of things I had to start doing was going for walks.

All that exploring I did in the spring was what was keeping me going and I thought it was just for fun.

And so - with the help of a little bit of consultation and some low dosage medicine called Citalopram I found I was back to normal and the whole incident just seems to me now like a bad 3 month long hangover. Saying that, I’ll admit a trip to town still entails and element of adrenaline and when sat in the pub on christmas eve I was rather intimated by the mass of people but at least I was there - talking to people and behaving in a vaguely human manner.

Tomorrow I intend to discuss the year ahead:

June 11th: Am I really going there by becoming a fucking runner for a company that makes shoe adverts set up by a handful of 19 year olds with rich parents? Or do I really have to take the freelance route and set myself up as some sort of consultant who exploits the ignorance of companies who think that placing a bit of audio on their site and calling it a podcast will make them not only more hip but also more money.

All footage is source from youtube and remains property of the respective copyright holder. This is in accordance with the youtube terms of use. Please support fair use video and music collage on the internet. Collage is art and not theft, the only reason media companies have convinced the onlt that is it is because they want more money from consumers.

The where is that froms:

Darth Vader Arrhaaa is from something just called “star wars redo” and uses the voice of James Earl Jones from the film coming to America; there’s a bunch of star wars kid stuff in here (including the so called French Star Wars Kid who in fact is a power ranger - just look at him go!); Poop tube is from Tim and Eric Awesome Show; a bit on final fantasy in there, expanding upon rabbit’s cutscene useage; a truly amazing indiana jones cdi lego fan vid “malcolm” (if you ever need poop filler just search for the word FAN VIDEO and all you’ll it perfection); no fetish videos this time but they still hidden away in there and of course Chad Walden still rule the tubes.

The 2006 Spainful Films Video Podcast (Britain’s first character comedy vidcast) is now back online hosted on the popular video site veoh.com, a rival site to youtube. Like youtube the videos are flash encoded meaning their are viewable to a potential larger audience than the previous mp4 files from the video podcast days.

The series, which is still officially on hiatus was pulled down in at Easter after the podcast company BTpodshow failed to honour their agreement to support the show beyond that of any other video content available on their website. However due to audience numbers which peaked at 10000 the original self hosted method of online distribution was not viable option.

Now that online video has evolved away from downloading and podcasting and we are enjoying what could be described as the youtube generation the idea of expecting viewers to download large media files has become somewhat archaic but unlike youtube voeh does support such a model with the aid of it’s download cliant.

The 25 available episodes exist as now as mere artefacts of not only the small scale optimism of the British podcasting community but also as a personal record of the early careers of DK Cavey and myself. And whilst I explore the inner world of nihilistic editing techniques and underground internet sub culture of youtube poop I believe my erstwhile creative partner is exploring the Nathan Barley-esque world of London media culture.

The website spainfulfilms.com remains in it’s wiki form and contains extensive works of fictionalised background information which will no doubt for the backbone of any new works using the Spainful name or existing in the same fictional universe that the site documents.

Here’s video for you to watch now but the rest of the series can be viewed here:

page edited June 2008

So it turns out that the video ‘popout’ feature is built into Google Reader (which I highly recommend and use daily) and not some plug in. I discovered this having spent rather a long time looking!

This video, was my last round in poop tennis match with BMATF.

This video here comes half way though a game of poop tennis. The idea of the game is that you have to remix the other players video and then it gets sent back. If you’ve ever played photoshop tennis then I’m sure you imagine how much fun it can be but also how much you can learn about editing and video art/visual communication.

I thought round one had more than enough Robonik in it so I thought I’d built upon the concept of cars and smoke.

There’s a ton of odd stuff in here and a lot of it was found by doing keyword searches. As usual I homed in on the fetish videos and I think there is a underlying mood or perversion in this one. Just what Robotnik would have loved.

Awful!

But that’s not to say I’ve not been busy! In fact I’ve spent more time than ever online, writing, making art, editing videos and doing all the stuff that goes with it in the last three months than I care to think about. Meanwhile my ‘real life’ has declined to such an extent that my doctor ordered me to go for a walk every day else risk more social/emotional ‘problems’.

And that brings me to the other issue. The fact I’ve not felt comfortable writing about my emotional state (which some of you used to enjoy reading) is simply down to the fact the website I’m running, including the forum I moderate is frequented by a bunch of kids who’ll stop at nothing for a cheap laugh. I remember being told when I was working at the school to be careful about what you put online and that advice has been as relevant as ever.

Because despite my good intentions for Youtube Poop I seem to have become sort of ‘leader’ figure. Someone whose actions are scrutinised and analysed as if I were a corrupt politician and someone people challenge and insult with comments like “who does he think he is” and “is he fit to lead us?”. Don’t laugh! The internet is a serious business you know.

And to a large extent for me personally it really is rather important. But it is with some irony that as soon I had to play £500 (sorry Mr. Bank) for it grow and expand onto it’s own server it became too much for me to handle alone. It’s been the decisions I’ve taken in order to disguise this fact that has been my own undoing. A good example being the youtubepoop wiki; something everyone wanted and something I knew would take weeks of work for very little benefit apart from being able to say “we’ve got our own wiki”. Even if I were to deligate or force people to place links to clips…I’m sorry.

I’m boring you now with the needless day-to-day that couldn’t be of interest to anyone apart from those wanting to look for flaws in character so that I can be overthown. I’ve never understood the relationship between president and a prime minister but the way things are going there will be some kind of coup and this my mine I’ll get to spend more time with you gentle reader and once again I write stories about shouting a drinks in supermarkets and spitting in the faces of bitch faced whores.

Oh, and I’m also uploading Spainful on veoh. It’s not much of a website - one of those horrible 2.0 things but there isn’t the same 10 minute limit on media which priced youtube out of the market.

because youtube poop is cultural movement of potentially revolutionary proportions that tells the world that we’ve had enough of the shit that we’re expected to watch and there are far better ways to interact with modern media than to press the red button or dial a premium phone number. That video editing is no longer something that you need years of education to master and that someone who isn’t being paid to make media is infinitely better than someone who is - regardless of age or experience. That we are sick of media that is commercially driven - cartoons which were only created to sell videos games, movies created to sell popcorn and vlogs created to advertise movies. The media doesn’t have to have MEANING and the avant garde still exists - but now it’s in the hands of media savvy teenagers rather the coke sniffing wine drinking academics. That the the posting of photoshoped images in forums is art far more artistic merit and more accurate statement of TRUTH than anything that hangs on a wall and that the era of the ‘film maker’ is thankfully coming to a much derserved end.

Please click here to comment on this video at youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FVZudV6hGI

Thank you all for your support
Conrad Slater

YouTubePoop.com - Where There’s Smoke They Pinch Back

Aug 21, 12.36pm

youchewpoop.com
is down - the server status say suggesting it’s a mysql database error
I cannot access my cpanel to check/repair my databases
also, last night at this morning at around 12.30 am (GMT) my forum seemed to go back in time five hours and messages were lost - this suggested tome that some kind of restore had taken place form an earlier backup.
My index plage was also replaced with a standard lunar pages page but my root .htaccess page wasn’t effected.
This of course has nothing to do with me - are you performing maintenance that my be affecting me in this way - if so am I to exect more problems and do you know when things will be restored.
Ideally I’l like access to my cpanel so that I can backup my database straight away in case the problem persists.
thanks in advance for you help

Aug 21, ‘07 12:38PM

Further to my last message the site is back online and my databases are now fully backed-up.
But I’d appreciate any information if you have any.
Thanks

Aug 21, ‘07 01:57PM

Hello Conrad,
Glad to know that your website is working fine now.
Have you checked whether your ISP was having connectivity issues, or tried to view using http://megaproxy.com/freesurf/ when you had this issue ?
I did a search for any announcements about the server where your account is hosted and there are no such incidence.
If you require additional assistance, please do not hesitate to contact us again.

Since your inquiry has been resolved, I will go ahead and close this ticket.
No response is required for this message.

Meanwhile this had been sent to another newly created account of which I was not aware of. note the date

Aug 20, ‘07 06:08PM

Hello,
During routine server monitoring we have noticed that your account is using excessive resources. This is a shared hosting environment and we cannot allow any one account to utilize the majority of resources.
Please note that the acceptable resource usage ranges are as follows: 1.0 or less CPU%, 1.0 or less MEM%,and 0.2 or less MySQL usage with the top processes at 20 or less CPU%. Your account was using the following..
youch3 youchewpoop.com
CPU% 3.18
MEM% 1.29
MySQL 1.2
Top Process %CPU 47.0 [php5.bin]
Top Process %CPU 33.0 /usr/local/cpanel/cgi-sys/php5.bin -c /home/youch3/public_html
Top Process %CPU 32.0 [php5.bin]
We have moved the account due to the excessive resources. Please verify that all scripts are up to date and the latest and safest versions. The account we have placed you on is a non-production server and we cannot guarantee that the site wil run or look the same on this server. Once the scripts are updated and using less resources we will be happy to move you back to a production server.
Please check all scripts within the account to verify that they are updates and the latest and safest versions from the publisher.
At the current time your account is more suitable for our VPS or dedicated hosting. If you would like more information please visit the following sites.
Dedicated = http://www.lpdedicated.com
VPS = http://www.lunarpages.com/virtual-private-server
–
If this issue is resolved please reply to this message informing that all is ok. If this issue is not resolved please reply to this message with any further details that may allow us to assist you more regarding this matter.
Thank you for you patience and understanding regarding this issue.

Aug 21, ‘07 06:22PM

-My usual support account name is conradslater
-the only reason I moved my forums to Lunar Pages was because I was assured you were forum friendly. Having had the same problem with my previous shared hosting company I decided to pay the extra to have my site hosted with you and yet you’ve behaved in the same way by simply closing my site down wthout warning.
-I write to you earlier today asking if there were any problems with my site as it had been running slow and was told that nothing was wrong.
-Now I’m told that it the too much traffic so you pull the switch beforee I can even run a backup or warn my forum users.
-I shall consider a VPS but will need an assurance that your standards of customer service will proportional improve based upon the extra cost I will be paying.

Aug 23, ‘07 10:47AM

is that it?
How many days do you need to copy/paste a follow up reply?
How about starting with explaining this: Ticket ID 235916
Perhaps even an apology would be nice - for denying that there was anything wrong when already my site had been moved to another server?
Or perhaps even you sales department could contact me regarding upgrading to a VPS. The only link you’ve provided is for the creation of an entirely new account - when clearly my site needs to be moved - i don’t want to have to pay for VPS and shared hosting.
And how about an explanations to to what is actually going on! All I know is my site has been moved to a slow server because of this:
CPU% 3.18
MEM% 1.29
MySQL 1.2
which means very little to in real terms - though I assume it was my forum that caused the problem - so I’ve closed it to the public.
But where on this page
http://www.lunarpages.com/basic-hosting/
does any of the above stats relate?
and more to the point where on this do they relate
http://www.lunarpages.com/virtual-private-server/
?
And am to expect this kind of three day silence when I have a problem with that service?
I wold grateful if can move forward with this straight away as I’ve an inbox full of questions and complaints to reply to.
Conrad Slater

Hoping it would help I created a new support ticket, changing my tact from furious customer to someone keen to spend more money.

Aug 24, ‘07 09:42AM

I write in reference to Ticket ID 234319.
Four days ago my website was moved without warning to another server.
I have repeatedly requested further information and have yet to receive any kind of reply from you.
I wish for my service to be upgraded to VPS even after reading you FAQ I still not not know the procedure, (the link given to me suggests I will still be billed for my shared account too)
I don’t why we’ve not written back to me yet but I hope this messge falls into the hands of someone who can help me.

Aug 24, ‘07 11:02AM

Hi,
I do see that you have replied in the original ticket regarding the server move. The desk your ticket is on is monitored by our server admins who will need to review the account and check the usage of resources. They usually do this for 24 hours to make sure that the usage is back down to acceptable levels.
We can upgrade the account for you. Your account would be upgraded and you would be charged the difference between the exiting account and new prorated VPS plan.
For security purposes to confirm you are the account holder, please provide the following:
Last 4 digits of the credit card on file:
This request is for security reasons only.
If you can not supply the last 4 digits of the credit card, please provide:

First and last characters of the password on file:
Your full postal mailing address:
Telephone number:
I hope this information is helpful. Please ask if you have additional questions.

Aug 24, ‘07 11:15AM

Hello Michael
Thanks for you reply - I cannot explain why you’ve not received my messages on the other ticket, they appear to be displayed my end and are mrked up as ‘awaiting tech’
anyway, you’ve answered my question in part - but do I just use the link provided?
Here are the last four digits as requested: 8505
Also - am I to expect any further lose of data, in the same way as I did when I was moved from the orignal (elara) server?
thank you again
cs

And yet still no response….

Aug 24, ‘07 04:12PM

Can you confirm if you have received this or my previous response?
I have tried cc’ing this message to you via email but in doing so I seem to have inadvertently created yet another help desk account.
I really would appreciate this matter be resolved in time for the weekend as Sunday is the site’s busiest day and i have been waiting for 4 days for this issue to be resolved.

Aug 24, ‘07 05:05PM

Hello
I’m trying to upgrade my shared hosting package to VPS.
I am on the signup page of your website and i have two questions.
-I do not wish to open a new account but rather upgrade my existing
account. The website page I’m on seems geared towards new customers
rather than upgrades. Likewise there is no indication in my existing
account area that this option is available (despite assurance from
you support desk).
-I do not wish to loose use of cPanel yet it seems as though my only
option is for 10 domains (which I don’t need) at an extra $10 per
month or nothing at all.
My site has been off line for 4 days and you support department has
been extremely unhelpful so I’d really appreciate your speedy
assistance in this matter.

Aug 24, ‘07 05:25PM

Hello,
We can handle the upgrade of your account to VPS through e-mail support. However please note that our VPS plans can not support cPanel control panel. They use the Plesk control panel which is entirely different and in some cases provides different features. If you want to continue using the cPanel control panel you’ll need to upgrade to one of our dedicated hosting solutions.
Please let us know if you have any questions regarding this matter or if you’d like to proceed with upgrading to a VPS account with the Plesk control panel.
Thank You!

Ok, I understand. I’ve not used Plesk before but a I’m happy to give it try.
Please go ahead and upgrade my account to VPS.

Hello
Yesterday I requested you upgrade my account to VPS and I have yet to
hear from you. (My domain is youchewpoop.com), having reportedly had
trouble receiving my messages via your web interface I thought I’d
follow this up via email to make sure the necessary action is being
taken.
Please let me know if there is anything else I can do and what and
when things will start moving so that I can inform the users of my
forum that service has been restored.
Thanks
Conrad Slater

Aug 25, ‘07 10:39PM

Your account has been upgraded to a Virtual Private Server and the welcome email have been resent to you email account. Please let us know if you have any kind of issues.
Also, don’t forget to let us know when we can delete your account from the old server.
Thank you and have a great day !

Aug 27, ‘07 11:03AM

I have yet to receive the welcome email from you and domain is clearly still pointing to the old server ikewise the links from my account page appear to be dead, including access to any kind of control panel.

The suggested temporary link also appears to be dead (no holding page etc)
and the plesk IP: also appears to be not configured
please advise

Aug 27, ‘07 01:21PM

Further to my last email I have check over your FAQ in case I was at
fault or had failed to understand you instructions. I discovered this
https://support.lunarpages.com/knowledge_bases/article/376
However having followed the instructions, which suggested I use port
8443 I still am completely unable to access my account.
perhaps I need to change the nameserver settings, cureently set to
ns3.lunarpages.com
please help

Aug 27, ‘07 04:52PM

I still have not heard from you conserning this matter
please respond

My reply:

Here’s my first round

The final Really Twisted was made in 2004 using Poser 4 (Pro pack - lol)

Whilst it has some of the best RT moments it lacks a lot of the original charm and with the release of Poser 5 later that year (which changed everything) this seems a good enough place to stop. There is an alternate edit of this but it’s not very good despite containing a few extra clips.