Archive for the 'News' Category
My Top 10 Online Video for May 2007
With all these web movies and vlogs I’ve been watching lately I thought I’d compile a top 10 of this week’s personal favourites. Direct links to media in the title of each entry - links to source (often very different address) at base of entry. 10 at bottom 1 at top - why not go to the bottom of the page and work up.
In the true style of viral videos this looks like it was ripped from a spanish tv. Can it be real? Surely not. Can it be spoof? Again, such attention to detail would be near impossible. It just is what it is and we are all monkeys laugh at ourselves in mirrors.
From Puking Dog
I’ve linked to this one earlier this month but it goes into the chart at number two for working on various levels. Apart being funny and clever it looks cool and is timeless as only the best media is.
Found on http://www.ooze.com/
Perhaps one of the funniest punchlines I’ve seen on web movie.
At 22 minutes far too long to make an effective podcast but this show hits a lot of he right buttons. Really well crafted comedy and some fine performances. I hope they do more short things for my short attention span.
An early Joel Veitch flash animation that I was recently reminded of. Always worth a re-entry into the chart for it’s silliness and simplicity.
This unusual episode of strong bad emails is rather effective for it’s self parody and uber childish humour. Masters of their game.
http://www.homestarrunner.com/
A remarkable “cops” style spoof. Really amazing hair too. This is hoe Hope is Emo could be like if it was done with intergity. Dark ending though - be warned.
http://www.hearseclub.com/sorpreturns/enter1.htm
Reposted as part of PJK’s best of season this b/w music video is remonincent of the work of Dennis Potter and demostrates Paul potentail as a romantic actor. Pitched at just the right mood.
http://pjkproductions.blogspot.com/
9. Rich Pretty Girl Episode 30
I shouldn’t like it but maybe it’s a guilty pleasure. I’ve no idea is the host is real or performing or somewhere in between but she is clearly very talented. The unseen male voice also works brilliantly - I might write about this one at some point.
http://www.richprettygirl.com/
10. A Conversation About Distrubuted Production
If it’s worth writing about then it’s worth being placed in this months chart. It’s got a snappy title and it’s dircted by the new Stanley Kubrick. Uber geeks at work - what them go.
So there you have it. This weeks most top tips. Next Sunday I may do audio as there have been a few changes lately to my audio habits and also some stand out episodes of regular podcasts.
No commentsThe Award Winning Conrad Gatecrasher
Matt called at lunchtime to tell me there was another awards thing tonight. I didn’t want to go but the new lifestyle regime I’m pushing myself through meant I had no choice in the matter. If there are any social event things going on then I am simply not allowed to hide in my room.
Joe had wanted to go to the previous awards thing (the Nastas) but we couldn’t get invites. As this event was in Bournemouth itself it didn’t matter either way. We’d just gatecrash and if we couldn’t get in we’d go to the pub.
By the evening Matt and I were dressed up but Joe came as Joe, having been soaked whilst cycling in the pouring rain. Matt bickered with the doorman for a while thinking that at least his name was on the guest list. Matt’s the sort of person who somehow gets his name on every guest list - he was at the Royal Television Society Awards last week! (Did I mention that he’s 19?)
Somehow we got in and I was pleased to discover I actually knew a few people there. The event itself covered all of Nerve Media - but no one really identified themselves as being from Nerve TV, it clearly being far more hip to be working on the magazine or the radio station theses days.
I just glad Joe was there. Despite being on the film course with me (which he admittedly talks about far too much) Joe is good at reminding me what is real and what public performance.
The awards were given out by Sarah the Ice Queen who was wearing a white dress that she only just managed to pull off but her hair looks much better now it’s short. I still think you’ll never see pictures of her flckr tagged as pretty or cute - much more likely ambitious, ruthless and ultimately successful.
And then something very odd happened. I was in the audience working on my comedy timing, with phrases such as ‘mother fucker‘ and ‘fucking hell‘ after each award was given - the award for best TV presenter came up. Sarah started saying things like when you’ve met the winner of this award you KNOW you’ve met him…and stuff like that and felt myself swallow hard.
…Conrad Slater!
Oh bollocks. I ambled up - the winded knocked out my sails - said "mother fucker" into the microphone and sat down again.
And so the night carried on and my heckling was ruined. Matt, next to me looked over to see the award which is actually engraved with my name. "Good job we came along" he commented.
Wait a fucking minute - I gate crashed this event and I’ve won something. And then the: "why didn’t I say that when I was up there" issue kicked in. Apart from possibly offending someone (always good) it would have got a great laugh.
I was furious with myself for not planning for the possibly that I might win something. It was after all entirely plausible that I would. I must have been in a state of denial. "You deserved it" Matt chipped in - fuck you that’s irreverent - I retorted with equal wit.
But thankfully I quickly settled down. Reminding myself that the whole point of being here was that I wasn’t sat at home planning for an infinite number of possibilities of what could happen if I went outside. The important thing was to just go out - talk to people - to not plan - not even think about it. Ideally not think about anything at all.
I also bumped into someone who reminds me of Sandy. A man who is happy to pretend to be gay, part of his personal action plan to be successful in the media. I took note of of what he was wearing for future reference and had a little chat. Afterwards, Joe commented that he wasn’t sure what it was I’d been saying and I explained I’d been speaking "media-speak". On a similar note Joe shared his concerns that he was accidentally learning Japanese.
We finished the night running round climbing on table taking stupid pictures with my digital camera. Meanwhile Joe had a little sleep on his chair in his soggy clothes.
I’ve put the best pics up on flickr so you can see my surprised yet snug face.
No commentsPodcasting from Speakers’ Corner
This was meant to be the third part of my discussion about Podcasting. Written both to aid my post podcasting fall out recovery and also as a kind of thinking out loud document. Instead it ended up being a rather odd little story.
In part one I took a look online communities that surround podcasters. If a podcaster can be compared to a ranting preacher at speaker’s corner then you can literally see the audience that gather round him, perhaps even turning to each other to say “what’s he talking about?” or even shouting out “you’re great - keep it up”…it’s true!
You could even be very clever and say that it’s raining and in the mud these people are leaving a digital footprint.
Now here’s the problem. The man shouting “We’re all going to die” has a good few people round him (because he’s actually quite funny). But more the people who come to listen the harder it gets to hear him from the back - so he has to shout a bit and the subtilise of his humour are lost.
But then another man not to far away starts singing a song whilst juggling, upside down with fireworks and an accordion. (There’s also some monkeys) Incredible!
So whilst his core message of ‘Kill all Jews” doesn’t resonate with as many people he sure knows how to put on a show.
What is the ‘We’re all going to die’ man going to do. He invests his money in a doom pedlars consultancy firm who give him some great advice.
The next week the ‘We’re all going to die‘ man (hell -let’s just call him Alan) isn’t standing on his soap box at all. Instead his entire speech is being presented to the audience by a young girl in a tight top. Rumour has it that after the bit about skeletons rising from the grave you get to see her boobs. She describes herself as flirty and lists ‘good times’ as one of her interests. 28-24-30dd.
Meanwhile, Alan is actually in the audience itself taking notes. He’s not observing this new girl’s performance but rather the kind of people who are listening. Age; gender; height; weight; the amount of money in their pocket books; the kind of music in their player. But most importantly the amount of people there are. Not just a head count but a ‘dynamic’ head count. He can mathematically calculate the rate at which the people come and go, what makes them stay and what makes them talk to each other.
This latter metric is really important because it means people will spread the word and more people will come to see Alan and hear his message.
How on earth is the ‘Kill all Jews‘ man (whom we will now call the Nazi Juggler, equally deserving of re-branding) going to redress the balance. He has no more limbs to flay around to draw people’s attention and as for his accordion - which everyone knows is the most distracting instrument in the world - just isn’t drawing the crowds like it used to.
So he turns to technology.
The following week - and get your tissues ready guys - the ‘holocaust never happened‘ speech is illustrated with an interactive touch screen power point presentation. The accordion now uses nanobots to play itself into a 700gig PA system which, apart from being very loud (loud enough to make the tress go blind) also interrupts blue tooth mobile phones and re-routes GPS systems to direct people to speakers’ corner.
The ‘Jews even look strange‘ segment includes a live strobe lighting laser show which could cleverly single out circumcised genitals from members in the audience and bombard them with gamma radiation. COOL!
It really was the greatest show on earth - even the Jewish people who saw it thought it was all very post modern and tongue in cheek.
“Can’t you tell - he’s attacking people who attack Jews. He’s not dressed like Adolf Hitler but like the kind of people who dress like Adolf Hitler. Brilliant!” Clever
Alan was not impressed. What about the ART of public speaking. This wasn’t a speech but a weekly multimedia event. Alan realised that he was, as they say’ pissing in the wind’ and the girl he’d employed was refusing to put and more increasingly larger objects in her anus now that winter was on it’s way. As far as Alan was concerned the real enemy here was all the technology - which coincidentally he count afford to buy himself.
For the first time since going to speakers corner Alan started talking to other speakers. They, like him all hated the Nazi Juggler but some argued that there were lessons to be learnt from the whole affair. More importantly though they agreed to swop phone numbers and form a Union. This wold also entail having lots of meetings, generating action plans, setting targets and the making and wearing of little badges to identify name and rank within the organisation. (This would later be changed to matching polo t-shirts and baseball caps as someone pointed out that their image was too authoritarian.)
Most importantly they produced their own magazine which celebrated the craft of outdoor public speaking. This was the first time Alan had been recognised as the true talent that he knew he was (don’t forget - he even had the stats to prove it).
Meanwhile the Nazi Juggler got a TV contract and stopped putting on his show altogether. (He would later go on tour with the same show and charge a whopping £30 per ticket - the same price as tickets to see Ringo Starr).
The speakers’ union were delighted that things could go back to the way they were in the good old days.
Not long after, a young artist type who had given the matter of public outdoor speaking a lot of thought - and read every issue of the magazine - began speaking himself. He was being billed as The New Alan which infuriated Alan, who was still working himself and didn’t want to be refered to as the old Alan.
This new boy had learnt that a good strong message, finely crafted rhetoric and just a little titillation and technology were the perfect blend. And, as a naked woman bent over to start the arc welding light show the new boy began his speech with ‘I think all Muslims deserve to die because..”
The funny thing was he actually was being post modern, not really being capable of originality as such - but that didn’t stop him from being stabbed on his way home by someone who was later refereed to as being ‘beige‘ in the Police reports.
The day had come - a speaker had been killed for the views he had expressed. Sky News ran the story as ‘The Death of Free Speech‘. How could this terrible thing happen? And more importantly who was responsible.
The furious public looked to the speakers’ union. An organisation that had failed to protect one of their own. And it seemed, by virtue of their magazine (which the Times Newspaper rudely refereed to as fanzine - bastards) they in fact inspired this boy to perform the way he did. It seemed that he was in fact copycat speaker; lead astray by a weird fetish cult and that all he wanted was a bit of validation. But it had all lead to obsession and his premature demise.
But rather than close down the union instead the wise powers at be thankfully decided to close down speakers corner altogether. The property value of the surrounding buildings doubled overnight for all was safe and quiet.
Sometimes, late at night, if you switch on your CB radio to channel 17 you can hear them saying that speakers corner just wasn’t quite the same in the end - not since that exploding Jewish guy with the dog fucking elephant.
Today’s story will of course be reprinted in the technology section of the Guardian where all the podcasting related stories fucking belong!
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