I thought I’d post a quick hello just to reassure my reader that I am still alive and actually quite well. I haven’t that much to say though so I should be brief for a change. Since I spoke to you last it’s all been a matter of packing up all my stuff and somehow getting it back here to my home island of Jersey. The picture above shows the beach I live near, Portelet Bay, which dreamt of whilst at college and always visited when I returned here in the holidays.

And I think that is something of a focal point for my current situation. I don’t have to leave it again - three years of back and forth on the ferry and the plane is over but so to is the knowledge of the finite amount of time that would be spent doing so. When I was accepted to the AIB I specifically remember the letter saying sometime to the affect of you will be here until 2007. I have no such date-stamp of knowledge now - in the same way I have no idea when I will die.

Likewise the letter told me which subject I was meant to be studying and I consequently fell into the typical lifestyle that film students were meant to be living. But now I have no expectations at all - or even that many desires. There are a handful of things that interest me and I expect I shall favour any new job adverts in the field of web development because that’s all new and interesting to me but by no means does that solve my long standing issues of identity.

Plus there’s the social isolation factor. Having said goodbye to all the people who I liked or would have called friends from college I’m left with the few remaining dregs who still live here plus the uncertainty of the new. Maybe I’ll full in with a new gang of crazy art types and carry on much as usual in the live lounge or maybe I’ll now find myself at dinner parties talking intelligently about history or politics. I’ve no idea yet rather than being fearful I’m really quite pleased.

I feel as if I’ve walked in to the casino and I’m trying out the games old and new. It’s all up to the dealer now - but with so little cash on the table I’m not at all bothered about wining or losing, I’m just glad to have the freedom.